literally had 100 drinks last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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