Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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