she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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