The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
