Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
