Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
