I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
