It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
