so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
