would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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