I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
