he thought i was a dude.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
