oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
