Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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