dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
