He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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