so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
