I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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