well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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