there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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