i was born a porn star she said
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
