that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
