it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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