he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the room spins SO much faster in panama
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
