How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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