hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
