my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
