Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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