Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
