apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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