She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
