"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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