Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
