i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
