You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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