The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dignity is for republicans.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
