she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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