Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
