I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No I am not eating basil off your cock
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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