My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
