shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
