What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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