Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
