this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
P.S. I can't hear my feet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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