I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
soo... how was my night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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