ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Four minutes until I can fart!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
