Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
