I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
