I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
