did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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