You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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