before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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