Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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