census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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